Most influential? More like most insufferable.
Proving that magazines are irrelevant and more out of touch than ever, Time has named Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to their Time 100: The Most Influential People of 2021.
Please. Can you name one real-world, practical application deployed by these two phonies that’s served anyone but themselves?
Let’s see. They began 2021 with a bang, sitting down with Oprah to launch verbal ballistic missiles from a lush Santa Barbara garden, claiming that the British royal family didn’t care that a pregnant Meghan was suicidal and that there was a racist among the senior royals.
All this while Prince Philip, the Queen’s husband of nearly 74 years, was on his deathbed.
“Be kind,” they tell us constantly. Compassion is their brand.
Oh, how we have suffered this year. Our collective hope that lockdown would be over is crushed. We are ravaged by natural disasters and manmade ones — like those endless videos Harry and Meghan stream from their $14 million, nine-bedroom, 16 bathroom mansion, lecturing us on everything from Black Lives Matter to U.S. elections (important, Megs says), to, of course, the environment.
Did you catch Harry flying private a few weeks ago? Polo match in Aspen. Such a great look for these two self-appointed eco-warriors.
Netflix, Spotify, SussexRoyal, commodify: These two are interested in self-promotion and celebrity only. We endured a painful home video Meghan made with Melissa McCarthy, another self-aggrandizement under the guise of some other b.s. initiative no one remembers, Harry outside, juggling through a window.
McCarthy later said Harry worried he would look “weird” doing that.
“In a world where everyone has an opinion about people they don’t know, the duke and duchess have compassion for the people they don’t know,” chef José Andrés wrote for the magazine. “They don’t just opine. They run towards the struggle.”
If by “run towards the struggle” Andrés means making nearly every great human tragedy about themselves — from staging Remembrance Day photos at a California cemetery to their Afghanistan statement (lecturing us all to “alleviate suffering”) to turning their website back on 9/11 — then yeah, sure.
Let’s just call them what they are: Ponderous and platitudinous.
Even Twitter has had it. The Time 100 cover image of the couple, Harry with suspiciously lush hair and Meghan wrinkle-free and glowing, was read for filth.
“The cover looks so fake …” said one. “Oh wait, that’s because they are.”
“Wow, has @TIME fallen,” said another. “Hard.”
At Britain’s National TV Awards last Friday, the couple was booed as their Oprah clip rolled.
“Everyone joined in,” an unnamed audience member told The Sun. “It was really funny.”
Yet Harry and Meghan are no doubt taking a victory lap, luxuriating in their delusion as global leaders, one reinforced by a silly list.
Reports are, though, that Spotify wants some content by the end of 2021 to justify that $25 million payday. Harry has a memoir due soon, one in which he’s rumored to go after stepmother Camilla and shame the royals some more. After all, he’s not getting $20 million without spilling some dirt.
But remember everyone: Be kind.
And keep paying attention to the Sussexes, even though what they really want is privacy.