Fantasy Suites Set Up a Disastrous Finale

In the champagne-soaked, rose-scented world of ABC’s The Bachelor, some things are strictly verboten, even if the rules often go unsaid. In the olden days, at least, you tried to avoid saying “I love you” to more than one person, and to this day, strong proclamations of commitment are generally frowned upon for obvious reasons. Apparently, however, no one told The Golden Bachelor’s first leading man, Gerry Turner, any of this.

On Thursday, during his Fantasy Suites week, the 71-year-old retired restaurateur made a big ol’ mess—one that’s going to be damn near impossible to clean up two weeks from now during the finale. The show has dutifully teased Gerry’s disastrous finale for weeks, but now, we can say it’s official: There’s no way anyone is getting out of this thing emotionally intact.

Gerry knows going into Fantasy Suites that all of us voyeurs at home are going to be wondering what happens between him and his final lady loves—Theresa and Leslie—behind closed doors. Like any gentleman, he’s also thoroughly committed to making sure we don’t find out. “Quite honestly,” he says of curious fans, “I feel like it’s none of their fucking business.”

Honestly, he’s right and he should say it! But we don’t need to see these intimate moments to know that in at least one respect, Gerry might’ve really muffed things up. Didn’t host Jesse Palmer or anyone else warn this poor man about the perils of telling a finalist that you think she’s “The One”?!

For this season’s Fantasy Suites, we’re jetting off to beautiful Costa Rica, where Gerry kicks off his week by rappelling down a cliff side with the spunky Minnesotan Leslie. The adrenaline of their triumph clearly went to Gerry’s head, because at dinner, he started saying all the beautiful things you absolutely should not say on a diabolical social experiment televised dating show.

As far as Gerry is concerned, the best aspect of Fantasy Suites is not even necessarily the physical intimacy (although he does make sure to emphasize that yes, old people still do “knock boots”). Instead, he says, he relishes the chance “to talk without filters.” It’s an admirable thought that he clearly takes way too far.

Gerry already told Leslie that he loved her, along with Faith—whom he sent home in tears last week. Still, he has his concerns: Are he and Leslie both looking at their journey through rose-colored glasses? Are they really digging in on the tough questions, like where they will live once the show wraps?

Leslie isn’t sure on the living arrangements yet, but her confidence seems to soothe Gerry’s nerves. (“Instead of bicoastal we can be bi-midwestern,” she quips.) And as for Gerry’s question about whether she’s ready for a lifelong commitment, Leslie insists that in spite of being divorced twice, “I want to do that, too. I do.”

It’s at this point that Gerry makes his first blunder, replying, “And we will.” What???

Then comes Mistake No. 2, when Gerry tells Leslie about some advice he got from The Bachelorette’s first leading woman, Trista Sutter (née Rehn). “You have to find the one that you can’t live without, not the one you can live with,” Gerry recalls Sutter telling him. And as for Leslie, he adds, “I think you’re The One. I think you’re that one.”

If that’s not enough to make seasoned Bachelor recappers throw their bowls of popcorn into the air in resignation, there’s also this adorable little speech that Gerry shares with Leslie before they part ways: “It’s like I have to have you with morning coffee,” he says. “I have to have you when I go to bed at night. … That’s what it is, and I don’t know how we would decide where we would live. We’d have to figure that out. But I think there’s no one else I’d rather try to figure it out with.”

Leslie, meanwhile, might not be so good at the poetics; she compares Gerry to an old shoe, which is apparently supposed to be a compliment, because he’s “comfortable” and “fits well.” (I mean, I get it, but also, does anyone really want to be compared to broken-in footwear?)

Five and a half seconds later, it’s time for Gerry to go horseback riding with Theresa, and you’ll be shocked—just shocked—to learn that the minute he arrives, he seems pretty torn.

Gerry previously held back on telling Theresa that he loved her, and now, he’s looking for the right opportunity to say it while also wondering what Leslie’s up to. Unsurprisingly, she notices that he seems a bit distracted—leading her to say perhaps one of the funniest things in Bachelor history: “Maybe this is the kind of date that you’re really concentrating on this horse?”

Still, Gerry clearly adores Theresa, and his admiration only deepens as she tells him about her transition from being a full-time mom and day trader to a financial services professional with seven securities licenses. (Theresa, I know you just told Gerry you’d be down to retire if you end up together, but if there’s any chance you’d be willing to share some stock tips with a lowly writer before you do so, my number is…)

In the end, Gerry does tell Theresa that he loves her, but after both Fantasy Suite dates are over, he doesn’t seem any closer to figuring out which woman he loves more. As we already know from season previews, this is going to be a big problem. In a preview for the finale, which will air on ABC Nov. 30, Gerry confesses, “I took a really good person and broke their heart.”

Later on, our Golden Bachelor adds, “Had I known that this would be how much pain I would cause someone, I would never have taken that first step on this journey.” As for whose heart will be broken, that seems to be anyone’s guess—at this point, perhaps including Gerry’s.

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