‘Taking time for yourself makes you a better parent’

Welcome to So Mini Ways, Yahoo Life’s parenting series on the joys and challenges of childrearing.

Since her split from husband Marc Silverstein in 2021, Busy Philipps has been embracing her single-mom era. “I got married pretty young, relatively speaking,” says the Girls5eva star, who tied the knot when she was almost 28. “I didn’t have a ton of boyfriends. I didn’t date a lot before I met Marc. I was in a couple of relationships, and then I met Marc, and we got married after two years.” Soon thereafter, Philipps gave birth to Birdie, now 15, followed by daughter Cricket, now 10.

“When Marc and I met, people didn’t even text each other,” she recalls. “Then, all of a sudden, both of us find ourselves single now.” And while Philipps admits that “getting back into dating, especially with the apps, can feel so intimidating and so overwhelming,” it’s possible to make it fun and playful, which is why she was excited to partner with Stir, the leading dating app for single parents. As the brand’s “Milf on the Shilf,” she’s encouraging single parents to prioritize self-care this season by “holi-dating.”

“When you’re single and you have kids, [there’s this pressure] that the people you date need to be your next husband, your next wife or your next partner,” the actress and podcaster points out. “There’s something refreshing about remembering that it’s really nice to hang out with someone and have good conversation, and it’s a nice break for you to have some adult time with somebody that isn’t revolving completely around your role as a parent, which is your most important job and is always there. And so it’s nice to go out with somebody who also understands that.”

As she has swiped around over the past couple of years, Philipps has found there’s a benefit to dating single dads. “I’ve been trying to navigate being single, having kids, having a life, making space for myself,” says the mom of two. “I’ve dated men who don’t have kids, and it’s tough because they either are looking for somebody that they maybe want to have their own kids with someday, or they kind of just don’t get it. They don’t get your availability or lack of availability. And that can seem, to them, like rejection.”

By comparison, Philipps has found that it’s “nice to be able to go out with people who have at least the shared experience of having children with somebody — you speak a common language in that way. In her experience, it’s been easier to click with single dads, because they have the same priorities and are more adept communicators, she says.

“A couple of dads that I’ve gone out with recently are just different than single guys who don’t have kids [in so far as] their communication skills and their openness in communication,” she says. “That is something that’s really important to me that I didn’t realize I needed — being able to articulate and communicate where you’re at and what you’re looking for.”

At the same time, the Mean Girls star says that dating has bolstered her self-awareness. “I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself just in the last couple years — about what it is that I am interested in terms of a relationship and a partner and things that I thought I wanted,” says Philipps. “[I’ll be like,] ‘Oh, wow, there’s that old pattern again.’”

She has also keyed into the fact that she wants “somebody who would be a fun plus-one” to bring to events. “[I’d like to meet] someone that will come with me to a dinner party and be chill and have interesting things to say,” says Philipps. “It doesn’t have to be necessarily the be-all, end-all, rest-of-my-life relationship. But it would be nice to have somebody who also tells me how pretty I look that night.”

Like anyone else, Philipps has her fair share of dating horror stories. “I remember one bad date that I went on where I was just walking home in New York and I started listening to music, and I just started feeling so sorry for myself,” she recalls. “[There were] tears.”

Yet, even in moments like that, Philipps has managed to eventually find lightness. “It doesn’t mean that you’re inherently unlovable and that you’re never gonna find someone, but you’re gonna go on a couple bad dates,” she acknowledges. The Dawson’s Creek alum does feel like more could be said about navigating disappointment. “When you put yourself out there, there’s the risk of being hurt, and when it happens, it’s a bummer,” she says.

Philipps recently grappled with talking to her kids about her own heartbreak. “My kids are really teenagers now, and even Cricket is firmly preteen vibes,” she says. “They’re really focused on their own stuff [as] they should [be]. I never wanted to have kids that felt like they needed to manage their emotions or their experience because of what their mom or dad was going through. [But] I did sort of have my heart broken a little last year, and I did share that with the kids, only because they had known that I was dating this person. And I was really, really sad, and in the name of being open and honest with my kids, I just told them what had happened.”

Silverstein also stepped in to ask the kids to be “really nice” to Philipps. “It was really sweet,” she shares.

That’s just one instance in which she and her ex have had each other’s back. “We do talk a little bit [about dating] — not specifics, but Marc has asked my advice a couple of times because of confusing social media behavior,” says Philipps. “He was like, ‘What does this mean? This person did this thing, and I don’t understand.’ And I was like, ‘Red flag.’”

Despite the inevitable bumps in the road, Philipps is celebrating dating as a single mom as a crucial part of self-care. “When you remember you’re allowed to meet someone interesting for drinks and talk about a book or a movie, you remember the other side of you — the person that exists not just in service to small people,” she says. “And that’s incredible. Taking time for yourself, allowing yourself to have fun, even maybe flirting with some people — allowing yourself to feel vital and like a person — makes you a better parent. It’s just true.”