Welcome to the Champions League debrief, in which Jack Lang takes you through the big talking points — and things you may have missed — from around Europe’s premier club competition. This morning, he assesses the damage of Manchester United’s latest calamity, salutes Shakhtar Donetsk and celebrates AC Milan breathing life into the group of death…
Sympathy for Ten Hag?
Manchester United’s misery is now so all-encompassing, so multi-faceted, that it is hard to pick an appropriate metaphor for it. A dumpster fire? That feels a little too contained, if anything. Snowballs are too jaunty. No, we’re now in the realm of the runaway train. Erik ten Hag is still on board but the controls stopped working three or four explosions ago.
At this point it’s probably worth clarifying: this isn’t going to be an absolute kicking. This column has done that before and will doubtless do it again, but Wednesday’s defeat to FC Copenhagen was not a distasterclass on the level of some other recent performances, at least as far as Ten Hag is concerned. It was instead proof that these things sometimes just have their own momentum, a kind of tragicomic internal g-force.
GO DEEPER
Chaos and calamity: How Manchester United twice threw away the same game
For 40 minutes, United were — whisper it — very good. Passes zipped. Alejandro Garnacho and Marcus Rashford twisted the home defence into all sorts of strange shapes. Scott McTominay romped around, all big uni energy. Champions League specialist Rasmus Hojlund poached two goals from close range and came close to sealing a hat-trick. It was the first time in an age that United could plausibly have been described as rampant.
Obviously, it could not last: Rashford was sent off and United, ignoring the most basic tenets of game management, managed to concede twice before half-time. Even then, though, there was reason for hope. They came out after the interval with renewed determination and, albeit briefly, looked on course for what would have been a hugely galvanising away victory.
Is Ten Hag to blame for what happened next? His choice to withdraw Hojlund on 84 minutes was baffling, but daft individual decisions were what really cost United.
Diogo Dalot could have picked any of the other 22 hours of the day to drift off into a waking reverie, but elected to do so at the exact moment the man he was supposed to be marking was darting in behind him. Four minutes later, Raphael Varane attempted a… actually, sorry, I have no idea what he was attempting. A ball that should have been cleared ended up back with Copenhagen and finally in Andre Onana’s net.
Ten Hag can be a frustrating figure. His balance of credit with United’s fans has dwindled during his second season as the manager, and understandably so. It is up for debate whether he is the right man to take the club forward.
Here, though, it was hard not to feel a little sympathy.
This was not a failure of tactics; United were the better side for vast stretches of last night’s game. Arguably, it was their best performance of the 2023-24 Champions League so far. Yet here we are again, with the catastrophe-meter ticking up towards 11 once more.
That’s the problem with runaway trains. You can yank those controls all you like, but the thing just keeps barrelling on.
True grit
It is fair to say that the names do not leap off Shakhtar Donetsk team sheets as they once did. The local stalwarts are still there — literally, in the case of Taras Stepanenko — but the cosmopolitan glamour of the enterprise has long since faded. War weighs down a football club, much as it does a nation. The horizons shrink. What was once a playground for Brazilians is now something altogether grittier. You don’t play there unless you’re willing to do things the hard way.
Shakhtar have been exiled from their home city in the Donbas region since 2014 and things have become even more complex since Russia’s invasion of Ukraine last year. They are now playing their Champions League home games in the German city of Hamburg. They can’t fly to or from Ukraine directly, meaning they have to first travel by coach to an airport in Poland.
The nomad life has been forced upon them.
It has not, however, sapped their spirit.
Shakhtar came from two goals down to win at Royal Antwerp in gameweek two and produced another mini miracle on Tuesday by overcoming visitors Barcelona. The only goal of the game — a slow-motion, looping header from Danylo Sikan at the end of a slick move — was a great moment, but it was the sheer personality of the team performance that will live long in the memory. Barcelona huffed and puffed but rarely looked like imposing themselves despite the chasm in resources.
“The players were competing all the time,” said coach Marino Pusic. “That is what I wanted to see: courage.”
Whether or not they end up progressing to the next stage, Shakhtar have already demonstrated they have that in spades.
Milan’s midfield muscle
Given their first three Champions League games this season had yielded two points and precisely zero goals, AC Milan looked destined to be left behind in the contest to progress from Group F. On Tuesday, though, they came roaring back into contention courtesy of a stirring display at home against Paris Saint-Germain.
It would be easy to rhapsodise about Olivier Giroud, still scoring big goals — and still looking like a matinee idol — at age 37. The real stars of the show, though, were playing slightly further down the pitch than the French striker.
Yunus Musah, Tijjani Reijnders and Ruben Loftus-Cheek were all excellent at San Siro, their physicality and energy helping Milan win the midfield battle. Loftus-Cheek was especially good, carrying the ball forward with that lovely, loping stride and constantly asking questions to which PSG had no cogent answers.
With two games remaining, the four teams in the section — Newcastle and Borussia Dortmund are the others — are now split by just three points.
Finally, a group of death that is worthy of the name.
All hail the goalnado
A day in the life of Harry Kane at Bayern Munich: wake up, goals on toast for breakfast, nice, big mug of hot goals, quick scan of the Goal Times, bus ride to Goalsville, day spent selling goals at the local dealership, back home for a quick game of goals with the kids, bottle of French goals chilling in the fridge. Lovely. Same again tomorrow?
(Kane scored his 18th and 19th goals of the club season as Bayern beat Galatasaray 2-1 in Munich on Wednesday, by the way.)
Spotter’s guide
Golden oldie: A fortnight ago, Porto defender Pepe became the oldest outfield player to appear in the Champions League, aged 40 years and 241 days. He went one better on Tuesday, nodding home his side’s late second goal in a win over Antwerp to become the competition’s oldest ever scorer. The strict diet of shin bones and fragile souls — which are lovely roasted with garlic and a few sprigs of sage — that he followed during his long stint as Real Madrid’s resident hatchet man really did wonders for his longevity.
Silver linings dept: Newcastle were comprehensively beaten by Dortmund on Tuesday but there was consolation to be drawn from the performance of Tino Livramento. The 20-year-old was his side’s best outlet on the right wing — not his regular position — and looked completely unfazed by the experience of making his Champions League debut. Livramento would have registered an assist if Joelinton was half as ruthless as he is endearing, but this was a display of huge promise nonetheless.
Champions League gameweek 4 results
Group A
Bayern Munich 2-1 Galatasaray
Copenhagen 4-3 Manchester United
Group B
Arsenal 2-0 Sevilla
PSV Eindhoven 1-0 Lens
Group C
Napoli 1-1 Union Berlin
Real Madrid 3-0 Braga
Group D
Real Sociedad 3-1 Benfica
Red Bull Salzburg 0-1 Inter Milan
Group E
Atletico Madrid 6-0 Celtic
Lazio 1-0 Feyenoord
Group F
Borussia Dortmund 2-0 Newcastle
Milan 2-1 Paris Saint-Germain
Group G
Manchester City 3-0 Young Boys
Red Star Belgrade 1-2 RB Leipzig
Group H
Porto 2-0 Royal Antwerp
Shakhtar Donetsk 1-0 Barcelona
(Top photo: Getty Images)
Daniel Miller is a sports fanatic who lives and breathes athletics. His coverage spans from major league championships to local sports events, delivering up-to-the-minute updates and in-depth analysis for sports enthusiasts.
